100 Words

There is an opportunity, on alternet.org, to write a 100 word essay to Barack Obama about what you would like to see in the first 100 days of his presidency. I was so moved at his election, so moved to see Jesse Jackson with tears running down his face, so moved that this country I love so much has finally come to its senses, or at least opened that door. So my 100 words were asking Obama to remind us of who we are as a nation -- generous, kind, united -- so that we can go about the business of building a staircase out of the hole we've fallen into.

I believe so deeply in the ability of ordinary people like me to rise to a higher level of cooperation, and personal choices, and valuing each other and this beautiful earth, and I think Obama may be able to help us bring that out. Or so I hope.

The Onion had a headline, "Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job," and it's true, but when I look at what the mess really is, it's all about the lies that became synonymous with America -- that money is what's important, that the more money you have the better, that we don't have to consider the poor, the weak, or the environment, that cheap food is good food and on and on. These are all ideas that need to go.

It's terribly painful -- with our two mortgages, car payments, and student loan, we're right there with the rest of the struggling people who once had it made. But there are other possibilities and without lots of easy money we have plenty of motivation to explore them. What if what was most important was how we treated each other and the environment? What if we spent our fewer dollars with more thought, in ways that supported people and businesses and systems that we believed in? I don't know how you turn this creaky old ocean liner around, but I think it can be done. My hope is that we've elected the right person to lead us, because if we don't change, we're going down and taking much of the world with us. But if we can change, we may find ourselves in a new world. It may be starting already.

P. returned from visiting her daughter in D.C. after the election, where she lives in a largely black neighborhood. The black people in the neighborhood were so much more open and friendly and outgoing than she had ever seen before because of Obama's election, and isn't it about time? Maybe it's just the right time, and maybe some day I'll be flying a flag again, next to a copy of the Statue of Liberty. It's not impossible, and what is possible is that we are about to step in to a new era.

I'll keep my flag in my heart for now, but try not to keep my sense of possibility under wraps -- in times like these, we all need hope, and amazingly, there's reason to hope. Hooray for America -- and for the wild and wonderful possibilities the future now seems to hold.

Decisions and Faith

I am having to go on faith these days, and it's definitely been interesting. There are so many decisions to be made around losing my job that I do not know where to begin. Should we keep our Vermont house? Rent it? Sell it? Pay off the mortgage? Should I look for jobs, or try to take a year off? Since I was doing exactly what I wanted to do, how do I go about finding a new way to be happy and bring meaning into my life?

I am inclined towards the point of view of my ex-MIL Jane, who says that I am not in charge of this, and that I need to trust it to God and wait for the miracles. Deane has much the same attitude, minus the G-word, believing that I can somehow make a life and a living out of a hobby business. "Look! You made $100 in the last three days without even trying!" I do the math -- minus 2/3 for expenses...that's a little over $1 per hour for me, if I thought of this as full-time work.

I try not to do math in my head, as it inevitably ends up at less than zero before I even come close to the end of the expenses. Still, I want to believe Deane and Jane, and in a benevolent force working in my life. I certainly feel better when I do, and in some ways, that is the best possible outcome -- feeling better in this moment that is all that we have.

I try very hard to remember that in my insomniac moments. On one of those nights I got up just to peek at the job market online. I found a job at Empire State College for which I am perfectly qualified, for exactly my salary now. The only problem -- I don't think I'd enjoy it. But I'd have benefits. But I lose the flexibility that has allowed me to keep up, to some extent, with Deane, flexibility he'd like me to have more of, as he's made clear in one of the more wonderful and surprising developments of this drama. What to do?

I guess I'll just keep walking forward in faith, probably apply for the Empire State job with 500 other out-of-work academic types, maybe buy a kiln to add PMC to my jewelry business, but maybe end up taking an unemployment vacation in the end after all. I just don't know, and I think that might be the most important thing for me to keep in mind. I just don't know what the future holds, and if my experience holds true, I can't even imagine what it will bring.